Coin toss and OT rules only suck when YOU don’t win

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Mark Kiszla of the Denver Post is blaming this week’s Broncos loss on the “pure, dumb luck” of a coin toss. He said, “Unlike the Super Bowl, the only difference Sunday between the Broncos and Seattle was a flip of the coin.”

Hey Mark, Seattle won the coin toss for the Super Bowl, but that time they deferred…and they got two points. Damned coin tosses. But I digress.

Kiszla thinks, “NFL overtime rules are stupid.” A few years ago, he would have been absolutely correct. But thanks to the modified “sudden death” overtime rules instituted for the playoffs in 2010, and then applied for all games during the 2012 offseason, he’s dead wrong.

The Broncos stole a bunch of piggy banks a few months ago to upgrade their defense, in order to have a defense capable of holding their own against a team like the Seahawks or 49ers or Saints (should the Broncos make it back to the Super Bowl again, that is). All this vaunted defense needed to do was to force a punt, a turnover, or hold the Seahawks to a field goal, and their offense gets to have possession of the ball. And we all know how well Manning can engineer a two-minute drill ending in a touchdown with surgical precision.

But because Manning didn’t get to touch the ball in overtime, even the new rules are stupid. And because that vastly-improved defense couldn’t stop a touchdown drive by what some idiots call a “game manager quarterback who needs a step ladder to see over his own linemen”, overtime puts a premium on the coin toss…so naturally the coin toss deserves the blame.

Except that overtime put a MUCH higher premium on the coin toss in the old days, simply because a team only needed to get close enough for a field goal to end the game.

The modified sudden death rule was implemented to make overtime competitive and more fair than before. If the other team’s defense allows an 80-yard touchdown drive on first possession, maybe they deserve to lose.

Another issue is that during the regular season, there is only ONE overtime period. If a future first-ballot Hall-of-Famer quarterback gets an opportunity to tie the game with a touchdown, the probability of the game ending in a tie increases dramatically.

Besides…where was all this crybaby complaining from Denver when Tebow ended overtime against the Steelers with a single touchdown play? It was totally unfair when you WON, wasn’t it?

Disipline a 1-year-old, Bush? I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

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I was giving a little time for the whole Adrian Peterson switch punishment on a 4-year-old before making a comment myself. Not fair to jump on a bandwagon before other facts come to light, right? Besides, I want enough material to work with…and material kept coming.

Well, Reggie Bush just made me grab the keys of that bandwagon, and I’d like nothing better than to ram that truck up Bush’s arse.

In the last two hours, the Vikings indefinitely suspended Peterson. Just earlier, Detroit Lions RB Reggie Bush said on WFAN-FM that he “would possibly consider” using a switch on his daughter. He replied to one question by stating, “I most definitely discipline my daughter.”

Bush’s daughter is 1 year old.

Let’s put this in perspective: a 1-year-old is incapable of communicating with complex sentence structure, still needs two hands to drink from a sippy cup, and usually still shits its pants several times a day. Walking is still a learning skill. Barney is currently too scary to watch just yet. And it sure as hell ain’t gonna understand a fucking thing that a concussion-laden running back has to say, much less understand why it’s suffering pain.

Hey Reggie, dontcha think maybe your wife is gonna reconsider allowing you to come back home again? I mean, regardless if she knew that you “definitely discipline” your 1-year-old daughter, that mother is now under the world-wide domestic abuse spotlight, ya know? Your keys may not work on the locks tomorrow, you dumb fuck.

Fuck you, CBS! Oh wait, did I actually just tweet that? LuvU CBS!

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When bad things happen, sometimes people panic. When people panic, other people tweet nasty things. It’s just the way things are nowadays.

But when your tweet negatively impacts a good thing for you, or maybe even your career, dontcha think maybe it’s time you should just get off the innerwebs entirely? The rest of us are entertained on a daily basis by famous people who suffer a catastrophic brain fart and send out a tweet that they later desperately wish they hadn’t, and apparently Rihanna is no different. Or maybe she IS different…

Before the Rice Vator video leaked (yes, I’m still trying to get Rice Vator to start trending) Rihanna had scored a major gig: her song (hey, it’s actually Jay-Z’s song) would open for Thursday Night Football on CBS for the whole half-season. Even better for her was that viewership of TNF would increase by more than 100% over previous seasons because it would finally be shown on broadcast television…and even trouncing (oh. my. god.) The Biggest Loser in the ratings.

But a perfect storm had happened: the Rice Vator video was leaked Monday, the Ravens were playing on TNF that same week, and Rihanna used to date some asshole who likes to hit women.

CBS didn’t have much time to think this thing through, but they were quickly getting grief for the plan to use a domestic violence victim to open the show for a team that employed a domestic violence offender. CBS ultimately decided the song would be scrapped for just that week, probably to prevent a major backlash from domestic violence victims, but the song would be used for the rest of the games. Sounds smart, right? And Rihanna would certainly understand, and embrace the use of the song in the other games, right?

Well, after five days Rihanna has finally made her feelings known about having her song pulled from TNF for that one game. She was penalized! Apparently she was made a victim all over again. Taking her F-bomb tweet into consideration, it was only a matter of minutes before CBS decided her song would now be pulled from opening TNF for the entire half-season. Wow…one tweet lost her a sweet gig.

But wait…in this age of egomaniacal instant-gratification by people with itchy twitter fingers, wouldn’t we have expected her tweet sooner than five days later? Like, maybe sooner than five HOURS later? Of course we would. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

But she had a plan.

Some football fans on Thursday night would see her opening number and say, “She looks familiar…who is that again?” Then they would never care again. Most fans wouldn’t give a shit who she is, bring on the game! What’s a girl to do to be noticed when she has to compete with football?

Easy answer: she carefully drafts a tweet message, shows it to her agent and friends, makes minor adjustments, weighs the pros and cons about sending the tweet, time the release of the tweet, and get tens of thousands of Favorites and Retweets plus WAY more publicity by torching her NFL bridges. It’s even MORE publicity than what she got after her ex beat the holy snot out of her. Thank you, CBS!

Point to Rihanna.

I feel sorry for Fantasy Footballers. Wait…no, I don’t

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Many years ago a good friend of mine (also a rather serious NFL fan) asked me if I had tried this new thing called “Fantasy Football”. Hell, I hadn’t even heard of it. Thought it might have something to do with NFL cheerleaders and the Darknet. He went into detail about what it was all about, and the one single thing I thought about it when he finished explaining was:

Shit, this sounds like a lot more effort required than filling out March Madness brackets.

But I was intrigued to try. It sounded like fun. But I had no time that season, maybe the next year.

Then I came to a realization: I wouldn’t be able to simply root for teams anymore, not even my home team. I’d be too concerned about my OWN team, the one that I built. I could no longer truly root for {insert team name here} to beat the Cowboys because I drafted Dez as one of my WRs. Eww.

With all the issues lately surrounding Peterson, Rice, McDonald, Hardy and many other players, many fantasy footballers don’t even know if their drafted player is going to be active for the next game, much less if their drafted player is even going to HAVE a team to play for the rest of the year.

So you fantasy folks can just go about your business ripping your hair out and stressing about your season. I’m just gonna suck on a brew and enjoy the games.

Nobody drafted Goodell, right..?

Showing support for Goodell, or soliciting favoritism?

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The Ray Rice catastrophe continues to gain momentum unabated. Ermargerd, there are female Ravens fans still wearing his jersey!

But the Commish also has his supporters.

Wait…what?

After the shocking revelation that for five months the league office had a copy of the tape of the interior of the Rice Vator (yes, I’m trying to start a trending name for it), team owners are coming out in support of their most important employee, that one employee who makes them tons of money, that one employee who saw his salary grow uncontrollably over the last three years…Commish Rog.

Well, not all of the team owners have come out in support, but quite a few. Well, ok, actually it’s just a couple of dudes. Three team owners have submitted written statements, while three others made verbal statements of support.

The curious thing to me about the six owners who are “supporting” Goodell is that two of those owners were recently severely punished by Goodell for the simple crime of treating an uncapped year as an uncapped year.

In other words, I don’t think Jerry and Danny have forgotten about how they feel deep down inside about Goodell. This isn’t so much support for Goodell as it is to become buddies with him and get some “favors” in return.

Obviously Snyder still hasn’t figured it out: you don’t try to be buddies with your employees.

The NFL Blackout policy: the FCC is going to screw us. Again.

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Most people think that the Blackout policy for the NFL was enacted back in 1973 to help stadiums sell more tickets: if the game is sold out, that city gets to watch it on TV. If it doesn’t sell out, the game is blacked out for that city. Sounds simple, right? No, not really.

In actuality, the policy was enacted by Congress so that the home team’s city could watch ANY home game on TV. What most people today don’t know is that prior to 1973, EVERY home game was blacked out, even if the game was completely sold out weeks ahead. Yes, a home game was blacked out even if it were a playoff or championship game. And THIS is the real reason for the NFL Blackout policy.

In other words, back then the government was actually trying to HELP us poor, unfortunate football fans who want to see the game, but it’s sold out, or we can’t afford to spend $600 to take the family to a three-hour event that basically required most of the day to attend.

Today, a branch of the government is trying to screw us (again). This time it’s their attempt to eliminate the NFL Blackout policy.

Allow me to create some dots here before connecting them. Yes, I’m going to speak of eeeville.

In the old days, the FCC enacted numerous rules for cable television. One of the big ones was that cable was only allowed to scramble Premium channels (HBO, Showtime, Pay-Per-View, etc) but they must leave broadcast networks and cable networks unscrambled so that Joe Subscriber only needs to plug the cable into the rear of his TV and utilize his built-in tuner and TV remote. For Premium channels, cable television was allowed to require a descrambler.

At first, high-definition televisions sold in the U.S. did not have built-in ATSC tuners. The FCC enacted several more rules, ending with the rule that by March 1, 2007 all televisions regardless of screen size, and all interface devices that include a tuner (VCR, DVD player/recorder, DVR) must include a built-in ATSC tuner. Just plug in the cable.

I bought my first HDTV about six years ago, and then two more over the following months (those old analog TVs were no longer getting used, but I still wanted to watch a little after sex). I was already subscribed to the Expanded Basic service, which included channels like ESPN. Monday Night Football in HD? Why, yes, please. Just plug in the cable.

However, what I was unaware of was that the FCC had just enacted a rule that allowed the cable companies to scramble all of the Expanded Basic channels like ESPN, but leaving the Limited Basic channels like FOX and NBC unscrambled. The cost to rent descramblers: $9 per month, per television. Holy shit, my cable bill is suddenly increased by $27 per month with no increase in service or satisfaction? And the descamblers are designed so they aren’t compatible with my HTPCs? For timeshifting and recording I’d have to junk my HTPCs and pay $16 per month, per television for their DVR descramblers? What da fuck?

So instead I saved $25 per month by reducing my cable service down to Limited Basic. I didn’t watch most of those Expanded Basic channels anyway, and all I really missed was Monday Night Football, but I don’t really miss it.

But recently the FCC went a step further and allowed the cable companies to scramble all of the Limited Basic channels as well. My few remaining channels were all scrambled up just one week before the 2013 preseason games began. But hey, the cost of renting basic descramblers dropped to only $7 per month, per television! /sarcasm

As a result, I am now the proud owner of a ClearStream C4 antenna.

And now the Chairman of the FCC is calling for a vote to eliminate the NFL Blackout policy. And just who is the Chairman? Why, he just so happens to be Tom Wheeler, who previously was a venture capitalist and lobbyist for the cable and wireless industry. In other words, some moron hired the wolf to manage the hen house.

Just a coincidence, you say? He now represents the American Public, you say? Back in April an internal FCC document was leaked indicating that Wheeler’s FCC would consider promulgating rules allowing ISPs to violate net neutrality…go ask Netflix how this has been going for them. BTW, don’t freak out when this happens to your innerwebs tomorrow.

By eliminating the NFL Blackout policy, the FCC claims they are looking after the best interests of YOU, the consumer. But over the last few years, they have repeatedly been shown to be looking after the best interests of businesses.

Are you sure that YOU know who’s side you’re on?

Money can make anybody lie. Including the NFL.

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Back in May, I posted a slightly sarcastic blurb criticizing Ray Rice’s lawyer. At the time, Rice’s whole scenario had not yet played out. When Rice’s (future) wife later publicly apologized and the league office handed down a scathing punishment of a two-game suspension, it didn’t pass the smell test for me…but I didn’t comment again because I didn’t want to look like a card-carrying Internet Thought Nazi. And I figured it might be over anyway. Boy, was I wrong.

Apparently under the fear of losing quite a bit of money that comes with a multi-game suspension, Ray Rice publicly lied about what happened inside the casino elevator. He thought it worked.

It’s hard to speak for why a woman does things, but I’ll give it a try: she was about to marry a multi-millionaire and didn’t want to lose out on the good life, so she lied as well. She thought it worked.

It’s hard to believe Rice did not tell the Ravens every minute detail of what happened so they can be prepared to go to bat for him. So naturally, the team lied so that they wouldn’t lose a key player for an extended period of time (for whom they ALREADY had paid handsomely). They thought it worked.

So the league office, blissfully unaware that everybody was lying to them, slapped Rice’s wrist and turned to take on more important matters…while trying to ignore all the harsh language directed their way, which didn’t work for long.

Except for one problem: the league office lied.

OK, I don’t have proof they also lied, but it sure looks especially bad for them. The league office claimed that they requested video of the interior of the casino elevator, but never said if they got it. Naturally, one can assume they would burn the tapes and wish away all their troubles. If everyone involved was part of a humongous lie, it would damage the reputation of the shield (aka, “we lose money, too”).

The NFL now claims that their request was not honored and that they never saw the tape until it was purchased and released by TMZ.

And right then, my bullshit meter redlined.

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ADDENDUM 9/10/14: Well now, how about that…now there is proof that the league office also lied. They got a copy of the video on the inside of that elevator five months ago.