Lord have mercy, ‘hawks dumped Percy

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Just before the 2013 draft, the Seahawks made a huge trade with the Vikings and followed by handing Percy Harvin a boatload of cash. After playing just…what was it, EIGHT GAMES TOTAL?…the Seahawks traded Percy to the J-E-T-S.

Such a dynamic player! Such a nightmare to line up against! Huge plays in the Super Bowl! And after the 2014 opening night game against the Packers was over, Russell Wilson declared, “Lord have mercy, we’ve got Percy!” Sounds like he was going to be THE playmaker in the attempt to repeat the Super Bowl, right?

Can’t say we didn’t see this trade coming, actually. Way before the honeymoon started (you know what I mean…the honeymoon you always wanted with a lover who needs hip surgery on your wedding night), this blog detailed the Seahawks possible future with Percy right after the trade. For example:

Harvin’s had two Head Coaches in his pro-career and fallen out with both. Will Carroll be the hat trick?

Looks like Percy has hit the three-pointer!

Note to Percy: your new coach punches a cement wall when he gets pissed off. You have soft, supple skin.

Triplette and his crew are totally trippin’ again, man

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Prime-time games have mostly sucked this year, with the majority of contests being decided by double-digits or even by dozens of points. We still watch because it’s still football, and ratings are excellent regardless. Most of the attention is on sub-par TNF games, but honestly we’re not seeing close contests for almost all night games so far, which leads me to this week’s edition of…

Conspiracy Theory ( dum-dum-daaahhhh… )

The theory is: the officiating crew handling the MNF game between Redskins and Seahawks received a communique from the league office that another prime-time blowout would be unacceptable.

A lot of scribes have been talking about bullshit penalties that were called against the Seahawks, two of which negated two Percy Harvin TDs. But not many have touched on flagrant fouls against the Redskins that were NOT called. For example, spinning the ball on the field after converting a 1st down late in the half: that’s taunting and pretty fucking obvious…several Seahawks signaled they wanted a flag, but officials only picked up the ball. Or how about the intended receiver, Garcon, grabbing Sherman by the hair and forcing him to the ground while the ball was in the air…that’s one of those so-called “points of emphasis” penalties that are supposed to be called this season, but obviously not for this game. There were a couple of helmet-to-helmet hits, such as AFTER Wilson slid. In all, the Redskins were called for only three penalties for 30 yards.

In all fairness, Triplette and his crew has a long history of suckage. Even his Wiki page only details the idiocy of his reign of bad flags. But the league thinks that he’s still good enough to officiate playoff games.

But Triplette and his crew usually make only one or two major blunders in a game. The Redskins vs Seahawks game was different: most viewers lost count of 1) the number of bad calls levied against the Seahawks, and 2) the number of blatant non-calls for the Redskins.

I’m not going to come straight out and say Triplette was ordered by his bosses to call the game to keep it close. And it would probably be bad form to suggest maybe he was paid a little extra…

Coin toss and OT rules only suck when YOU don’t win

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Mark Kiszla of the Denver Post is blaming this week’s Broncos loss on the “pure, dumb luck” of a coin toss. He said, “Unlike the Super Bowl, the only difference Sunday between the Broncos and Seattle was a flip of the coin.”

Hey Mark, Seattle won the coin toss for the Super Bowl, but that time they deferred…and they got two points. Damned coin tosses. But I digress.

Kiszla thinks, “NFL overtime rules are stupid.” A few years ago, he would have been absolutely correct. But thanks to the modified “sudden death” overtime rules instituted for the playoffs in 2010, and then applied for all games during the 2012 offseason, he’s dead wrong.

The Broncos stole a bunch of piggy banks a few months ago to upgrade their defense, in order to have a defense capable of holding their own against a team like the Seahawks or 49ers or Saints (should the Broncos make it back to the Super Bowl again, that is). All this vaunted defense needed to do was to force a punt, a turnover, or hold the Seahawks to a field goal, and their offense gets to have possession of the ball. And we all know how well Manning can engineer a two-minute drill ending in a touchdown with surgical precision.

But because Manning didn’t get to touch the ball in overtime, even the new rules are stupid. And because that vastly-improved defense couldn’t stop a touchdown drive by what some idiots call a “game manager quarterback who needs a step ladder to see over his own linemen”, overtime puts a premium on the coin toss…so naturally the coin toss deserves the blame.

Except that overtime put a MUCH higher premium on the coin toss in the old days, simply because a team only needed to get close enough for a field goal to end the game.

The modified sudden death rule was implemented to make overtime competitive and more fair than before. If the other team’s defense allows an 80-yard touchdown drive on first possession, maybe they deserve to lose.

Another issue is that during the regular season, there is only ONE overtime period. If a future first-ballot Hall-of-Famer quarterback gets an opportunity to tie the game with a touchdown, the probability of the game ending in a tie increases dramatically.

Besides…where was all this crybaby complaining from Denver when Tebow ended overtime against the Steelers with a single touchdown play? It was totally unfair when you WON, wasn’t it?

Disipline a 1-year-old, Bush? I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

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I was giving a little time for the whole Adrian Peterson switch punishment on a 4-year-old before making a comment myself. Not fair to jump on a bandwagon before other facts come to light, right? Besides, I want enough material to work with…and material kept coming.

Well, Reggie Bush just made me grab the keys of that bandwagon, and I’d like nothing better than to ram that truck up Bush’s arse.

In the last two hours, the Vikings indefinitely suspended Peterson. Just earlier, Detroit Lions RB Reggie Bush said on WFAN-FM that he “would possibly consider” using a switch on his daughter. He replied to one question by stating, “I most definitely discipline my daughter.”

Bush’s daughter is 1 year old.

Let’s put this in perspective: a 1-year-old is incapable of communicating with complex sentence structure, still needs two hands to drink from a sippy cup, and usually still shits its pants several times a day. Walking is still a learning skill. Barney is currently too scary to watch just yet. And it sure as hell ain’t gonna understand a fucking thing that a concussion-laden running back has to say, much less understand why it’s suffering pain.

Hey Reggie, dontcha think maybe your wife is gonna reconsider allowing you to come back home again? I mean, regardless if she knew that you “definitely discipline” your 1-year-old daughter, that mother is now under the world-wide domestic abuse spotlight, ya know? Your keys may not work on the locks tomorrow, you dumb fuck.

Fuck you, CBS! Oh wait, did I actually just tweet that? LuvU CBS!

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When bad things happen, sometimes people panic. When people panic, other people tweet nasty things. It’s just the way things are nowadays.

But when your tweet negatively impacts a good thing for you, or maybe even your career, dontcha think maybe it’s time you should just get off the innerwebs entirely? The rest of us are entertained on a daily basis by famous people who suffer a catastrophic brain fart and send out a tweet that they later desperately wish they hadn’t, and apparently Rihanna is no different. Or maybe she IS different…

Before the Rice Vator video leaked (yes, I’m still trying to get Rice Vator to start trending) Rihanna had scored a major gig: her song (hey, it’s actually Jay-Z’s song) would open for Thursday Night Football on CBS for the whole half-season. Even better for her was that viewership of TNF would increase by more than 100% over previous seasons because it would finally be shown on broadcast television…and even trouncing (oh. my. god.) The Biggest Loser in the ratings.

But a perfect storm had happened: the Rice Vator video was leaked Monday, the Ravens were playing on TNF that same week, and Rihanna used to date some asshole who likes to hit women.

CBS didn’t have much time to think this thing through, but they were quickly getting grief for the plan to use a domestic violence victim to open the show for a team that employed a domestic violence offender. CBS ultimately decided the song would be scrapped for just that week, probably to prevent a major backlash from domestic violence victims, but the song would be used for the rest of the games. Sounds smart, right? And Rihanna would certainly understand, and embrace the use of the song in the other games, right?

Well, after five days Rihanna has finally made her feelings known about having her song pulled from TNF for that one game. She was penalized! Apparently she was made a victim all over again. Taking her F-bomb tweet into consideration, it was only a matter of minutes before CBS decided her song would now be pulled from opening TNF for the entire half-season. Wow…one tweet lost her a sweet gig.

But wait…in this age of egomaniacal instant-gratification by people with itchy twitter fingers, wouldn’t we have expected her tweet sooner than five days later? Like, maybe sooner than five HOURS later? Of course we would. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

But she had a plan.

Some football fans on Thursday night would see her opening number and say, “She looks familiar…who is that again?” Then they would never care again. Most fans wouldn’t give a shit who she is, bring on the game! What’s a girl to do to be noticed when she has to compete with football?

Easy answer: she carefully drafts a tweet message, shows it to her agent and friends, makes minor adjustments, weighs the pros and cons about sending the tweet, time the release of the tweet, and get tens of thousands of Favorites and Retweets plus WAY more publicity by torching her NFL bridges. It’s even MORE publicity than what she got after her ex beat the holy snot out of her. Thank you, CBS!

Point to Rihanna.

I feel sorry for Fantasy Footballers. Wait…no, I don’t

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Many years ago a good friend of mine (also a rather serious NFL fan) asked me if I had tried this new thing called “Fantasy Football”. Hell, I hadn’t even heard of it. Thought it might have something to do with NFL cheerleaders and the Darknet. He went into detail about what it was all about, and the one single thing I thought about it when he finished explaining was:

Shit, this sounds like a lot more effort required than filling out March Madness brackets.

But I was intrigued to try. It sounded like fun. But I had no time that season, maybe the next year.

Then I came to a realization: I wouldn’t be able to simply root for teams anymore, not even my home team. I’d be too concerned about my OWN team, the one that I built. I could no longer truly root for {insert team name here} to beat the Cowboys because I drafted Dez as one of my WRs. Eww.

With all the issues lately surrounding Peterson, Rice, McDonald, Hardy and many other players, many fantasy footballers don’t even know if their drafted player is going to be active for the next game, much less if their drafted player is even going to HAVE a team to play for the rest of the year.

So you fantasy folks can just go about your business ripping your hair out and stressing about your season. I’m just gonna suck on a brew and enjoy the games.

Nobody drafted Goodell, right..?

Showing support for Goodell, or soliciting favoritism?

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The Ray Rice catastrophe continues to gain momentum unabated. Ermargerd, there are female Ravens fans still wearing his jersey!

But the Commish also has his supporters.

Wait…what?

After the shocking revelation that for five months the league office had a copy of the tape of the interior of the Rice Vator (yes, I’m trying to start a trending name for it), team owners are coming out in support of their most important employee, that one employee who makes them tons of money, that one employee who saw his salary grow uncontrollably over the last three years…Commish Rog.

Well, not all of the team owners have come out in support, but quite a few. Well, ok, actually it’s just a couple of dudes. Three team owners have submitted written statements, while three others made verbal statements of support.

The curious thing to me about the six owners who are “supporting” Goodell is that two of those owners were recently severely punished by Goodell for the simple crime of treating an uncapped year as an uncapped year.

In other words, I don’t think Jerry and Danny have forgotten about how they feel deep down inside about Goodell. This isn’t so much support for Goodell as it is to become buddies with him and get some “favors” in return.

Obviously Snyder still hasn’t figured it out: you don’t try to be buddies with your employees.