NFL: “It’s pay to play now, motherfuckers”

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Disclosure: I spent a quarter of a century trying to become a rock singer signed to the standard “rich-n-famous” contract. So it’s perfectly OK for me to puke about this.

The NFL had a glorious opportunity last February when the Super Bowl was played in New Jersey. They could have hired a true Jersey Boy to play the halftime show: Bruce Springsteen. It would have been epic. The NFL decided to go fuck themselves instead.

Hell, they could have hired a different Jersey Boy and (possible) future NFL team owner Jon Bon Jovi. If they wanted wet panties, they could have paid just enough money to get Jersey’s My Chemical Romance to re-group for one show.

No, they didn’t do any of that. Don’t get me wrong, Bruno Mars puts on an awesome show and is an amazing song writer. Red Hot Chili Penises have always kinda sucked IMO, but their performance didn’t suck this halftime show…because they didn’t actually play.

Getting Michael Jackson to perform back in ’93 was the genius idea that got non-football fans to tune into the Super Bowl and send it into ratings heaven. But they stumbled around for a few years afterward, thinking even MORE star acts for a bathroom-break show would be even BETTER. They came to their senses in 2002 performing just U2, then slammed multiple artists at us again for a couple of years, then a straight string of single performers again: from 2005 to 2010, we got Sir McCartney, Stones, Prince, Petty, Springsteen and The Who. But they’ve been brain-farting halftime ever since.

If it costs the NFL a lot of money to bring in a single act with cast, equipment, crew, friends, etc, then it probably costs a LOT more money to bring in multiple acts.

The NFL’s solution: the artists now have to pay to play halftime.

While a select few do, most artists don’t make money outside of concert tours. They can’t afford a weekend with their family at Six Flags, much less the NFL. As a result, we’ll likely be stuck with some boring lip-syncing shit like Jay-Z and Beyoncé (I only use them as an example…we all know they’re getting divorced once their current tour is over).

Perhaps someone could set up a kickstarter campaign to bring back Grambling State Marching Band and Arcadia High School Drill Team and Flag Girls. I love flag girls. Hire some dogs and ponies, and you’ve got a show!

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