Well, it looks like being granted immunity doesn’t mean someone won’t commit perjury anyway

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It must be true: love is blind. And stupid.

The grand jury investigating the murder of Odin Lloyd questioned Aaron Hernandez’s fiance, Shayanna Jenkins, and came away from that meeting believing that she lied to them 29 times.

They assumed she would be the key witness for getting a conviction, the butter on top of their popcorn. But she would also possibly be put on trial herself for aiding and abetting, and obstruction of justice. So how do they compel someone to take the stand and hopefully tell the truth? Grant her immunity, so that she cannot invoke the Fifth. Smooth move, Mr. Prosecutor.

So while on the stand she testifies,

“When Aaron got back from the police station, when I had found out that Odin was murdered, I asked him if he did it and he said no. That was the extent of our conversation,”

What, you immediately changed the subject to talk about the slug that your one-year-old ate that day? Bitched about how you still don’t have your own car after Aaron signed for 40 million? Figured that “no” was a hint that you should just give him a blow job?

Here’s how we know that Shayanna lied: she is a woman, and women NEVER ask a man just one question and leave it at that.

She was also confronted with a text message she received from Hernandez which read, “Go in back of the screen in movie room when u get home an there is the box.” She told the court that it was not some sort of instruction from Aaron, but simply a coincidence that she quickly borrowed her sister’s car, put the box referenced in the text message into the car and drove it to some easily forgettable place to throw it into a dumpster.

And this right here is EXACTLY why I never text my wife. Every time I do, she throws something of mine into the trash! You’d think Aaron would have learned this by now, but nooooo…

Oh, and can you imagine the conversation she had with her sister that day? “Oh hi, sis. I heard about your boyfriend getting shot six times yesterday. That’s so sad. Speaking of boyfriends, that 40 million dollar cheap-ass bastard I’m living with won’t buy me my own car, so can I borrow yours? You’re not going anywhere today, right?

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What’s Woody’s angle? It’s “history”, folks

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The dust is settling on all of the roster moves and trades, some of which have left people scratching their heads in confusion.

For me, the biggest head-scratcher when it initially happened: Darrelle Revis is back in New Jersey for a whopping $39M fully guaranteed. Yes, the Jets have the cap room…

But ask anybody: which position is their biggest need?

The kind of money the Jets threw at Revis is usually reserved for a proven quarterback. And considering the Fire Sale going on in New Orleans, they possibly could have had Drew Brees just with their first-rounder, and they could absorb his cap hit. What…you think Fitz is the answer, or that Mariota will win the starting job and throw for more than 4,000 yards next season?

So this is where we get to the bottom line:

Woody hates the Patriots, Revis won a ring with the Patriots, and Revis is a guaranteed first-ballot Hall of Famer.

And Woody will not tolerate Revis being enshrined at Canton in a Patriots jersey.

Ta-daaaah!

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Same Old Jerry Jones – Tagged the Wrong Guy

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The position of General Manager isn’t safe on any team in the NFL…except the Dallas Cowboys. The owner has an ego that is far too inflated and delusional to ever fire their General Manager.

As a direct result, the Cowboys didn’t have a winning record since 2009, and didn’t have a playoff win since 1996. Their GM just kept making one bad decision after another. Give the mid-30s quarterback, who needed two back surgeries, a six year, 108 millyun dollar extension? After all the other bad decisions, sure, why not! And while we’re at it, let’s tell the world that the Cowboys “want to kick [ass] with glitz and glamour!

But the Cowboys’ defense was expected to be putrid again, leading a blogger on their own website to predict a 6-10 season. As the season began, the offense decided “putrid” would work for them as well. Going 6-10 looked like a long shot.

Then a light went on in somebody’s head. How did the Seahawks, a team devoid of receivers like Witten or Bryant, get to, and win, the Super Bowl?

Pound it. Grind it. Make the ground shake (but don’t grab your junk because little kidz and women with weak constitutions are watching!).

As a result, DeMarco Murray came dangerously close to breaking the 2K rushing barrier, scoring 13 TDs and breaking all sorts of records along the way. And stunningly, the Cowboys made the post-season and finally win a playoff game!

A strong reliance on the running game is not exactly a “glitz and glamour” style of play, amirite?

So Jerry’s kid, Stephen, points out a week ago that the Cowboys are approaching the free agency period “looking for value, not splash”. Why are they doing the opposite of “glitz and glamour” you ask? Because they tagged a “glitz and glamour” guy for 12.8 million.

And the value they felt for splash-less DeMarco Murray? A putrid $5 million a year.

And now the Cowboys need to really work on their defense this off season in order to stop DeMarco Murray from running all over them twice a year.

Well played, Jerry. Well played.

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