It’s starting to look a lot like last year for Luck

Just like this time last year, Andrew Luck has stated that he plans to be ready to go by training camp. There’s been a twist this year, considering that Luck says he’s actually throwing…but not throwing real footballs. No word from Jim Irsay if he has seen but not seen Luck throw not footballs.

Yes, a replay like this reminds us all that as long as we keep a positive attitude, state that attitude out loud in public and bolster the hopes of our fan base, season tickets can still be sold.

And then resold on StubHub by the middle of October.

It seemed like such a crazy idea last September when I postulated that Luck’s career may be over. Today it seems like I was absolutely correct, but time will tell…I’m wrong more often than I’m right.

But there are other people who can’t understand when they are wrong. As an example, consider this comment from a forum member at PFF:

Look at that discrepancy between thumbs up to thumbs down: Hard to believe that 90% of football fans actually believe this bullshit, but they do. Perhaps it just goes to show that many football fans are simply too under-educated to understand how things work in the real world.

You know, like Trump fans…

No 3rd franchise tag for Kirk Cousins..?

So I will be the first to admit it: I was wro

Let me try this again again: I was wr-wr-wro

Fuck it, the Redskins have proven they are not quite as insane as I thought they would be, and Kirk Cousins was not tagged a third time by the deadline.

In a related story, earlier this evening D.C. police found Dan Snyder tied up in the trunk of a ’72 Dodge Dart, his mouth gagged with an official-looking piece of paper with the name of Kirk Cousins written on it.

 

Redskins: You’re being set up

The juiciest piece of scuttlebutt so far this off-season is that the Jets supposedly want Kirk Cousins “badly”, and are willing to pay whatever it takes to get him. Meanwhile, Cousins is still an employee of the Redskins.

Also meanwhile, the Redskins traded for Alex Smith, although the trade cannot be finalized until next month. Which means that they will soon need to unload at least one extraordinarily expensive quarterback, and everyone expects it to be Cousins, naturally.

But meanwhile again, the Redskins are still butthurt for trading so many first-round picks to move up and select RG3 so many years ago, so they’ve been tagging Cousins the last two years, hoping someone would give them a couple of those picks back…which didn’t work. They didn’t even get nibbles.

How do I see this playing out? Glad you asked! As you may recall, I had once pointed out – about a year ago – that the Redskins are insane. Today, the Redskins may believe the rumor that the Jets will pay whatever it takes to get Cousins, and may be insane enough to believe that “whatever it takes” includes handing over a couple of first-round picks.

In other words, the Redskins will tag Cousins for the third time. Because they are insane.

Meanwhile, everyone else will have a good laugh…

And now the NFL is kicking themselves

So after being limited to just 10 points against the Seahawks last week, the Eagles returned to their former high-scoring antics, beating the Rams 43-35. And they scored their final points to win the game after losing their QB to a torn ACL. But the Rams got some help to maintain their slight lead in the NFC West.

That help came courtesy of the Jaguars, who were able to hold on to their win over the Seahawks, despite some fourth-quarter 153.8 performance antics from Russell Wilson, who seemingly could not throw a pass without scoring a touchdown.

The Seahawks and Jaguars were chippy throughout the game, but things went off the rails at the very end. Some players will be fined, and we’ll likely see one or more Seahawks players suspended for their next game against the Rams.

A game that will likely decide the NFC West.

Just imagine: Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth discussing the end of both games of the previous week, especially the ugliness of the Seahawks game, and predicting how position battles will go with one or more players absent due to suspension. Then there is also the pre-game show with one of the dirtiest players in NFL history talking about the Seahawks ugliness.

Seahawks vs Rams is not just the play-off ramifications, it’s media fodder for the soul. Juicy talking points, heavy criticism…you can’t buy this kind of entertainment!

But the NFL decided not to flex out Cowboys vs Raiders, two teams that only have a whisper and a prayer of even getting Wild Card invitations. Fools.

NFL broke their own rules on flex

The NFL introduced flex scheduling 11 years ago. The entire reason for the existence of flex scheduling was to ensure quality matchups on Sunday Night Football: the league would replace an originally scheduled SNF game that has little significance or interest with a game that has huge significance or interest, such as a game with playoff implications. Flex is also specifically designed to allow a surprise team to play their way onto primetime television.

A patented Surprise Team of 2017 is the St. Louis Los Angeles Rams: first-year head coach; second-year quarterback who had an awful rookie season; second-year in L.A., in which they cannot fill more than half their stadium. Is there any wonder that the only primetime game they got this season was behind the walled garden of NFL Network? The NFL scheduling gods obviously thought they would stink again. But here they are at 9-3 and in command of the NFC West.

In South Alaska, we have the Seattle Seahawks: lost Sherman; lost Avril; lost Chancellor; dumped Freeney (WTF was up with that, Schneider?). But they held the highest-scoring offense of the Eagles to 10 points in Week 13, they’re now sitting at 8-4, and challenging the Rams for the NFC West title. Plus they have a magicman quarterback who has been directly responsible for over 90% of their offense, and is now considered a front-runner for this year’s MVP Award.

If the Rams lose to the Eagles next week and the Seahawks beat the Jaguars, their Week 15 matchup will decide the NFC West.

This Week 15 contest is a complete and exact example of the type of game that is to be flexed onto primetime.

But wait…the teams originally scheduled for SNF in Week 15 are the Cowboys and the Raiders? Both teams are currently sitting at 6-6? Neither team is currently projected any higher than 9th seed? Now THAT’S compelling football! I can’t wait to see what draft positions each team earns from this game! No flex!

So you may be asking yourself: why did the NFL break their own rules on flex scheduling? It’s the same reason why criminals rob banks: money. People all across America will tune in just because they like to watch America’s Team lose…that’s some serious advertising dollars, ya know.

Bad luck, and no Luck at all

By now you have probably heard that Andrew Luck has been placed on injured reserve. His season has ended before the team owner or his head coach ever saw him throw a football. We will now be spared the weekly announcements – on Mondays – that Luck won’t be playing that week. The only question I have is…

Do they think that we’re blind?

It’s been nearly two months since I posted that Luck’s career may be over. Yes, it was speculation, but my speculation was based on what we were seeing from Luck, and hearing from the Colt’s organization.

And what we were hearing back then, and continued to hear until today, didn’t quite match the definition of “cautiously optimistic”. It more closely matched, “Holy shit, we’re screwed.”

And waiting until just AFTER the trade deadline passed to place Luck on IR? Even the Browns front office didn’t screw up this bad.

Meanwhile, Colin Kaepernick is staring at his silent phone. He’s “cautiously optimistic”…

Conversation between Trump/Pence before Colts/49ers game

So The Donald admitted that he told his personal rimjob masseuse Vice President to go to the Colts/49ers game, and to be sure to leave the stadium if any players take a knee during the national anthem. As if he was actually going to give Pence the day off to enjoy a football game.

Anyway, SOMEbody needs to leave the stadium. And since nobody who voted for Trump will do it, you gotta stage a stooge to do it. According to my sources, this is how their conversation went:

Trump: How would you like to go to the Colts/49ers game tomorrow?
Pence: With you?
Trump: No.
Pence: With Ivanka?
Trump: HELL no. Just you. You’re from Indiana, you’re a Colts fan.
Pence: No, I don’t like football, and both of those teams suck this year. Besides, I have a full schedule of meetings.
Trump: You won’t miss them. You’ll only be there for a few minutes.
Pence: A few minutes?
Trump: The limo driver has been instructed to drop you off, circle around the stadium, then pick you up again. That gives you enough time to get inside and be seen, you watch a player take a knee during the anthem, and you very visibly leave with a disgusted look on your face. You can do a disgusted look outside of my office, right?

Why is this Trump vs NFL battle even happening?

Trumpeters would say that The Donald is protecting the flag and, by God, the entire country, by attacking NFL players for “disrespecting the flag and the national anthem” when they kneel.

Hogwash. This is just another classic Trump diversion tactic.

Think about it: how do you get #FakeNews to not cover the real news that is happening right now? Divert their attention to something that means so much less, but make it sound like the biggest problem of the week (and if you have been keeping score at home, there has been a “biggest problem of the week” every week since January 20th).

First, Hurricane Harvey hit. Then Hurricane Irma hit. Now Hurricane Maria was hitting. He went to the U.N. General Assembly and called the leader of the DPRK, “Rocket Man” in front of the world leaders, and also mentioned something about other countries that would be going to hell. He is officially nicknamed “Dotard”, accepted across the land, and the nickname came from Rocket Man. His wife spent a day tending to Michelle’s vegetable garden. He finds out his son-in-law is actually a woman (some things about this administration are starting to make sense). His heavily-endorsed protege Luther Strange lost. He knew the umpteenth attempt to repeal Obamacare wouldn’t get enough votes. He had the head of HHS about to “resign” like so many other people in his cabinet over the last few months. That stubborn Mitch McConnell still won’t resign, that sonovabitch (Trump’s words, not mine).

Important matters, all of them. But what does The Donald think we need to focus our attention on? That’s right: those sons of bitches protesting the national anthem. And Steph Curry.

And #FakeNews eats it up…

 

I have a feeling that Lucifer ain’t holding his breath

Earlier today, The Donald was asked to explain his inconsistency between First Amendment rights of Nazis and white supremacists as compared to the First Amendment rights of NFL players.

What should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, The Donald said absolutely nothing about the “very fine people” with the tiki torches. Instead, he only spoke about the sons of bitches in the NFL. Read into that strategy what you will.

Ehhh-nyway, with the rant that he went on, The Donald had a chilling prediction for the NFL: they’re in a very bad box. The NFL has to change. Or what’s gonna happen? Their business is going to go to hell.

First, what kind of box is he talking about here? Cardboard box? Pandora’s box? Mime in a box?

Second, hasn’t he noticed the number of fans who did what he told them to do, and leave the stadium when they witness just one player committing an act of disrespect? Even when OBJ pretended to pee like Rover on an opponent’s field, not a single person left.

It seemed to work just as well as insisting that owners should fire their players, dontcha think?

Lucifer is a pretty busy guy, but it’s not because he’s planning on entertaining the NFL anytime soon.

Solving the National Anthem War with Trump

As you have no doubt heard by now, the DPRK completely misunderstood when Trump declared war with the NFL via Twitter, thinking he had actually declared war with them. That’s understandable: language barriers with hermit kingdoms who don’t even allow Twitter in their country…happens all the time, right?

Of course, the rest of the world knows the U.S. President cannot declare war. The declaration of war must be made by the U.S. Congress, and everybody is very well aware that Congress is up to their armpits over another Repeal and Replace vote for the umpteenth time.

So while the POTUS is on a one-man wrecking crew with NFL players, I wondered how we could gently steer him towards doing his job instead (as if…), and placate the players and fans at the same time. An idea that would perhaps eliminate the whole nasty mess. And after three teams remained off the field this weekend, it made sense…

The NFL should reverse the current rule so that teams are not allowed to take the field until after the National Anthem is finished.

Now before all the flag fanatics start calling me a Russian agent – cuz Lord knows we have enough of those in the White House already – consider all of the winners in this scenario:

• Commish Goodell: he doesn’t have to issue a statement to the POTUS with less-than harsh language
• Owners: they don’t have to hear criticism for not firing a dozen sons of bitches
• Coaches: they get to spend a few extra minutes game planning and testing their Patriots-issued headsets
• Players: they don’t have team members who feel divided, and they get more time for a final pee break
• Fans: they don’t have to disrespect the flag by booing during the anthem, and they get more time to take their first pee break
• Networks: they can go back to broadcasting news and commentary that actually relates to football
• People who don’t care: they don’t have to put up with all this shit dominating the news cycle all day long

There ARE losers with this idea, though. Because of the fact that the networks will regress to not broadcasting the National Anthem segment again, the people who sing it will go back to not being shown on TV again.

Hey, no idea is perfect.